This morning I made my way to yoga in darkness. Pulling my jacket around myself tightly, I fought down a moment of panic. . . Winter is here!
Wow. Funny how I can feel anxious just because of time passing. Something that is totally out of my control.
It made me wonder why I fight the seasons so much. I dread the shortening of the days. I already miss the days of summer where I could have all the windows open to catch the summer breeze.
Yet this is something that happens year in, year out.
That I live for those summer days, and yet am destined to live three quarters of my life in days that are less than idealistic summer.
Of course I can move to a place where it is warmer all of the time. And operation ‘Perpetual Summer’ is in operation as we speak.
But regardless of my future plans I am in a place where winter is rapidly descending, and it’s not okay to me that I struggle to enjoy it.
I know that I need to stop struggling. To accept that this is something beautiful and natural. To surrender to nature, and accept my part in it.
Just like nature, I have my own cycles.
Times when I’m bright and bursting with energy. I live for these days… and all my expectations of what I can do and achieve are based upon the capabilities of this magical Cat.
But then I have other days where what I really need is rest and retreat. Where it’s futile to even attempt to ‘push’ through. And of course there are a billion and one shades between.
So if I can’t appreciate the beauty in nature, how am I ever going to accept the beauty in myself. To accept those days when I can’t perform like superwoman. When I am just best curled up in bed with a good book.
Both are shades of me. And just like the seasons, they are beautiful.