What makes you feelgood?
This is a question that has been on my mind a lot lately. And like most good questions, it has taken several weeks of feeling like shit to make myself answer it honestly.
From June through October I made my health, happiness and wellbeing an absolute priority. During those months I did whatever it took to get myself in a great physical and mental condition to run the New York marathon. The journey wasn’t necessarily a walk in the park, but everyday I made some progress – mental or physical or big or small – towards achieving my goal. And that progress made me feel incredibly good.
It’s now been 30 days since I ran the New York marathon and I feel like shit.
What is that about? I achieved what I wanted… I got fitter. I got faster. I found a joy in running that I didn’t know existed. And the experience was all the richer for sharing it with friends – new and old.
I should be riding the year out on a wave of glory and accomplishment, but instead I’ve found myself back in a familiar cycle of doing things that don’t make me feelgood.
It’s such a slippery slope…
Did I deserve that post-marathon burger and milkshake? Hell yes! Did I deserve those glasses of wine and three course meals in New York. Sure! Did really need that pizza and beer my first night back in London? It’s debatable. Was it really a good idea to skip dinner for a makeshift meal of wine and cheese? Probably not. It’s not the end of the world that I’ve had cake or chocolate every day since the marathon right? Um, it’s slightly concerning.
So what’s the problem? All I need is moderation right?
Well the thing is that I don’t do moderation. I’d love it if I could be like all the rest of the people out there that seem to be able to have one burger or one brownie or one glass of wine without falling into a pit of junk food fuelled despair.
But I can’t. I never have. And continually putting myself in the position where I’m forced to rediscover that fact is just a brilliant way to destroy my self-confidence and happiness.
Which would be ok if that bottle of wine or the week without running actually made me feelgood. But it doesn’t. Not even in the moment. So why do I choose the options that make me feel like shit rather than the options that make me feelgood?
I’m sick of these well worn patterns dragging me down. I want to feel amazing and invincible like I did before the marathon. I want to do more of the things that make me feelgood, and avoid the things that make me feel bad.
I feelgood when:
• I run.
• I eat well.
• I write and share my thoughts.
• I create things.
• I am productive.
• I dress well.
• I laugh and make other people laugh.
• I interact openly with other people.
• I keep the house clean and tidy.
• I am prepared.
• I make other people feelgood.
• I talk to my family and friends.
• I get up early.
• I go to bed early.
I’m all for moderation, but you are so right, you’ve got to know yourself and your limits. If moderation doesn’t work for you, then it’s not moderation, is it? I love your comparison at the end. I’m in a bit of a slump at the moment myself and trying to work out how to climb out of the pit. For starters I should turn this computer off and get to bed!
I LOVE the idea of moderation. I’m just really, really, really bad at it!
Today I forced myself to do a couple of the things on the ‘makes me feelgood’ list, just so I’d have less time to do stuff on the ‘doesn’t make me feelgood list’. Still got there though. 😉
Hope you got some sleep!
(Says the girl still on her computer at 1am in the morning…)